i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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