I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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