her vagine was all disorganized.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize