The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize