Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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