i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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