I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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