Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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