do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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