What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize