At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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