I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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