Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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