I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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