i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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