I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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