I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize