1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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