if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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