He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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