it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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