i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize