My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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