Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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