I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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