if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize