her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize