You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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