This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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