you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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