My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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It's official drugs can't kill me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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