mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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