i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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