Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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