I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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