and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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