Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize