When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He better not be in your backpack
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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