I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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