she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize