did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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