guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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