He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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