stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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