Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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