I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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