I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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