my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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