Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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