It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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